T minus 40 days

I've started this blog partly for myself, to see my thoughts down in text, but also to give another voice to the current debate of Donor Egg and Sperm conceived children.

I am a 36 year old woman who has been trying to conceive for the past 3 years with my partner of 4 years. I was not lucky enough to find my 'life partner' when I was younger and as fate would have it, he seemed to turn up just as I was running out of eggs. Bummer! We did try, very hard, to have what is termed a natural conception, however after multiple miscarriages and an incredibly low AMH reading we have been advised to move towards a donor egg. Whilst this was not the path that we thought we would be on, our reason for having children (passing on of knowledge, raising a human being who can contribute towards others in a positive way as well having a family of our own still holds).

I have read a lot of information on the internet, not necessarily a great place I grant you, about the emotion involved from the biological father, birth mother and subsequent child and have come to the conclusion that I won't be telling our child that they were donor conceived. Not a currently fashionable opinion which I am very aware of.

I am not the product of a donation. I look ridiculously like my biological father and egg donation was not around when my mother fell pregnant with me, I was also a surprise pregnancy followed by the traditional shotgun wedding. I have two other sisters who also look very much like my fathers family and not one of us look like my mother. However the reason that I am stating this is because I have read many thought pieces stating that donor children should be told about their origins because:

1- They want to know why they look different.
(We have been assured our donor is a physical match to myself and at any rate I'm convinced that will look like my partner. He's Greek)

2- They want to know where their love of/characteristic/ability to comes from.
(I have analysed all these traits within myself and can honestly say that all my 'loves' are the same as my father. However, these are from nurture, not nature as I adored my father and consciously chose to mimic him as a child)

3- Medical history of their biological family is important.
This seems to be the most common reason given, however it is the one I understand the least. My father passed away when I was young and my mother chose to move us away from his family. The result being that I know nothing of the medical history on my father side. My mother is also not someone who either knows, or wishes to share medical history on her side. The result is that if I ever go to a doctor and they ask "does anyone in your family have A,B or C" my answer is always, I don't know. No doctor has ever treated me less for not knowing this kind of information, and I've never cared that I don't it.

I believe that every person on earth is a valuable being, regardless of how they arrived here. Children who are donor conceived, adopted, found on the hospital doorstep or the product of rape are valuable and have the right to have a full and loving life. Their origins don't dictate who they become, they dictate who they become.